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Giving feedback to a family member can be a tricky task. It’s a delicate balance between honesty and maintaining relationships. But with the right approach, it can lead to stronger bonds and personal growth. Here are some tips to help you navigate this sensitive situation:

Choose the Right Time and Place

  • Timing is everything: Avoid giving feedback when someone is stressed, tired, or hungry.
  • Privacy is key: Choose a private setting where you won’t be interrupted.

Focus on Behavior, Not Personality

  • Be specific: Instead of generalizing, provide concrete examples of the behavior that bothers you.
  • Use “I” statements: This helps to avoid blaming and defensiveness. For instance, say “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”.

Express Your Feelings Clearly

  • Be honest: Share your genuine feelings without being accusatory.
  • Use “and” instead of “but”: This helps to soften the blow. For example, “I appreciate your help with the chores, and I would like to discuss how we can improve our communication about them.”

Listen Actively

  • Give them a chance to speak: Allow your family member to share their perspective.
  • Empathize: Try to understand their point of view.

Offer Solutions

  • Be constructive: Suggest ways to improve the situation.
  • Focus on the future: Avoid dwelling on past mistakes.

Maintain Open Communication

  • Encourage dialogue: Let your family member know you’re open to further discussion.
  • Be patient: Change takes time.

Remember: The goal of giving feedback is to improve the relationship, not to win an argument. Approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to compromise.

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14

Showing Love to Your Kids with the 5 Love Languages

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
Showing Love to Your Kids with the 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages, a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, are five distinct ways that people primarily give and receive love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Understanding these languages is crucial for building and maintaining healthy relationships. By identifying your own and your loved ones’ primary love languages, you can better understand how to express and receive love effectively, leading to deeper connection, greater intimacy, and stronger bonds.

Children just as adults give and receive love in various ways. Here are some ideas for showing love to your kids on Valentine’s Day, keeping in mind the 5 Love Languages:

1. Words of Affirmation:

  • Love Notes: Leave heartfelt notes for your kids in their lunchboxes, on their pillows, or hidden around the house.
  • Verbal Praise: Tell them specifically what you love about them (“I love how kind you are to your friends,” “You’re such a creative artist!”).
  • Family Meeting: Have a special family meeting where everyone shares something they appreciate about each other.

2. Acts of Service:

  • Special Breakfast: Make their favorite breakfast or let them choose the menu.
  • Extra Help: Offer to help them with chores, homework, or a project they’ve been working on.
  • Family Game Night: Plan and host a fun game night with their favorite games.

3. Receiving Gifts:

  • Small, Thoughtful Gifts: Give them a small gift they’ve been wanting, like a new book, a fun toy, or a special treat.
  • Personalized Gifts: Make them a homemade gift, like a piece of art, a decorated photo frame, or a hand-written poem.
  • “Coupon Book”: Create a coupon book with special “coupons” for things like extra bedtime stories, a movie night, or a special outing.

4. Quality Time:

  • One-on-One Time: Spend some dedicated one-on-one time with each child, doing something they enjoy.
  • Family Outing: Plan a special family outing to the park, the zoo, or a museum.
  • Movie Marathon: Have a cozy movie marathon with popcorn and blankets.

5. Physical Touch:

  • Extra Hugs and Kisses: Shower them with extra hugs and kisses throughout the day.
  • Cuddle Time: Have a special cuddle session on the couch or in bed.
  • Playful Wrestling: Engage in some playful wrestling or tickling to show your affection.

Important Note:

  • Consider your child’s individual love language: Pay attention to how your child typically expresses and receives love. Do they thrive on praise? Do they appreciate help and service? Do they love receiving gifts? By understanding their primary love language, you can tailor your Valentine’s Day gestures to make them feel especially loved and appreciated.

We hope these ideas help you make Valentine’s Day extra special for your kids!

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07
Surviving (and Thriving!) as a Single on Valentine's Day


Valentine’s Day,  A day often associated with romance and couples. It can sometimes feel like a lonely affair for those navigating the single life. However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Instead of dreading the day, embrace the freedom and opportunities it presents surviving and thriving being single on Valentine’s Day!

Reframe your perspective, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love in all its forms. Focus on celebrating friendships, family bonds, and most importantly, self-love. Indulge in self-care activities like a spa day, a delicious meal, or a relaxing evening at home. Embrace the freedom to do exactly what you want, without the pressures or compromises that often come with coupledom.   

  • Plan a “Galentine’s Day” celebration with your closest friends. Gather for a fun-filled evening of laughter, games, and delicious food. Host a potluck, have a movie marathon, or try a new cooking class together.   
  • Take advantage of this time for some serious “me time.” Binge-watch your favorite shows, explore a new hobby like painting or writing, or simply enjoy the beauty of nature with a hike or a picnic.
  • Consider volunteering your time to give back to your community. Helping others can be incredibly rewarding and shift your focus away from any feelings of loneliness.   

Remember, you are not alone. Many people are navigating the single life on Valentine’s Day. Connect with other singles online or in person. Join a singles group, attend a social event, or reach out to friends who are also enjoying the freedom of being unattached.

Embrace the single life. It offers incredible freedom and opportunities for personal growth. Explore your passions, focus on building a fulfilling life on your own terms, and remember that Valentine’s Day is just one day. Don’t let it dictate your happiness or self-worth.   

Ultimately, Valentine’s Day can be a wonderful opportunity for self-reflection and appreciation. Celebrate your independence, cherish your friendships, and enjoy the unique joys of the single life.

Check out these other articles for more tips:

Feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day? Here’s what to do

Practicing Self-Love this Valentine’s Day

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Showing Love to Your Kids with the 5 Love Languages

It’s heartbreaking to see our children struggle with friendships. Helping your child navigate friendship troubles, we want to shield them from hurt, but we also know that these experiences are crucial for their growth. 

Connecting with your child is the cornerstone of a strong parent-child relationship. It involves creating a safe and open space where they feel heard, understood, and valued. By actively listening to their thoughts and feelings, offering unconditional love and support, and showing genuine interest in their lives, you foster a bond of trust and mutual respect. Sharing quality time through activities they enjoy, engaging in meaningful conversations, and teaching them essential life skills also strengthens your connection. Remember, it’s not about quantity but quality time, and consistent effort in building this bond will reap rewards for both you and your child.

Here are some strategies to encourage your child to come to you when they’re facing friend troubles:

Build a Strong Foundation of Trust

  • Be an active listener: Show genuine interest in your child’s life, their friends, and their experiences.
  • Validate their feelings: Let them know their emotions are valid and understood.
  • Be consistent: Keep your promises and follow through on what you say.
  • Create a safe space: Let your child know they can come to you without fear of judgment or punishment.

Teach Essential Life Skills

  • Empathy: Help your child understand and share the feelings of others.
  • Problem-solving: Equip them with tools to think critically about situations.
  • Communication: Teach effective ways to express thoughts and feelings.
  • Conflict resolution: Guide them on how to handle disagreements peacefully.

Model Healthy Relationships

  • Demonstrate effective communication: Show your child how to have open and honest conversations with others.
  • Resolve conflicts peacefully: Let them see how you handle disagreements with your partner or friends.
  • Prioritize relationships: Show the importance of maintaining strong bonds.

Create Opportunities for Sharing

  • Family dinners: Make mealtime a time for conversation and connection.
  • One-on-one time: Schedule regular activities with your child.
  • Car rides: Use this time for open-ended conversations.
  • Bedtime routines: Create a calming atmosphere for sharing thoughts and feelings.

Encourage Openness

  • Use open-ended questions: Ask questions that encourage detailed responses.
  • Avoid judgment: Listen without interrupting or criticizing.
  • Offer support and guidance: Help them brainstorm solutions without taking over.
  • Celebrate their successes: Acknowledge their efforts in resolving conflicts.

Books with helpful information on connecting with your child

  • “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: This classic book provides guidance on effective communication with children.
  • “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: Offers insights into child development and how to connect with your child based on brain science.
  • “No-Drama Discipline” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: Provides strategies for connecting with your child while setting limits and teaching responsibility.

Remember, building a trusting relationship with your child takes time. Be patient, consistent, and supportive. By creating a safe and open environment, you can empower your child to navigate the complexities of friendship with confidence and resilience.

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How to cope with being estranged from your child:

Being estranged from a child is one of the most painful experiences a parent can go through. It is a complex and challenging situation, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution for how to cope. However, there are some things that parents can do to help themselves heal and move forward.

1. Allow yourself to grieve

It is important to acknowledge the pain and loss that you are feeling. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship that you have lost with your child. This may involve crying, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or seeking professional help.

2. Understand that you are not alone

Many parents go through the experience of being estranged from a child. There are support groups and online communities available to connect with other parents who are facing the same challenges.

3. Forgive yourself and your child

Holding on to anger and resentment will only make it harder to heal. Try to forgive yourself and your child for any mistakes that may have been made. This does not mean that you have to condone your child’s behavior, but it does mean letting go of the negative emotions that are holding you back.

4. Focus on yourself

It is important to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Make sure to eat healthy, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Do things that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself.

5. Seek professional help

If you are struggling to cope with the estrangement, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide support and guidance as you navigate this challenging experience.

Here are some additional tips for coping with being estranged from a child:

  • Don’t take it personally. It is important to remember that your child’s estrangement is not necessarily a reflection of you or your parenting skills. There are many factors that can contribute to estrangement, including mental illness, addiction, and abuse.
  • Respect your child’s decision. Even if you don’t understand or agree with your child’s decision to cut you off, it is important to respect their boundaries. Trying to force a relationship will only make things worse.
  • Leave the door open. Let your child know that you love them and that you are there for them if they ever want to reconnect. However, don’t pressure them.
  • Focus on the positive. It can be helpful to focus on the other aspects of your life that bring you joy. This may include your spouse, partner, other children, friends, hobbies, and interests.

Resources

  • The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): NAMI provides support and resources for people with mental illness and their families. They have a specific page on their website dedicated to the topic of estrangement.  https://www.nami.org/Home
  • The American Psychological Association (APA): The APA has a variety of resources on their website, including articles, videos, and podcasts on the topic of estrangement. https://www.apa.org/
  • The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
  • The Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to reach a crisis counselor 24/7.
  • The Trevor Project: The Trevor Project provides support and resources for LGBTQ youth. They have a specific page on their website dedicated to the topic of estrangement.  https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

If you are a parent who is estranged from your child, know that you are not alone. There are people and resources available to help you cope with this difficult experience.

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10

Counseling Online, In-Person or Hybrid

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
How to Know When You Need Therapy or Counseling?

When considering starting therapy, it can be helpful to consider counseling online, in-person or hybrid. All formats have their pros and cons which will be discussed today.

Online Therapy

Online therapy offers undeniable convenience and flexibility. It eliminates the need for commuting, making it ideal for busy individuals or those living in remote areas. Additionally, online therapy can be more cost-effective due to reduced overhead costs for therapists. However, it can be challenging to establish a strong therapeutic rapport through a screen, as nonverbal cues and the overall atmosphere of a physical therapy setting are absent. Some individuals may also find it more difficult to focus and engage in therapy sessions in their own homes, where distractions are more prevalent.

  • Advantages:
    • Convenience: Eliminates geographical barriers and scheduling constraints.
    • Accessibility: Expands access to mental health services, particularly in underserved areas.
    • Comfort: Offers a private and familiar setting for clients.
    • Flexibility: Allows for flexible scheduling options.
  • Disadvantages:
    • Limited Nonverbal Cues: May hinder the therapist’s ability to fully assess and respond to nonverbal communication.
    • Technological Barriers: Reliance on technology can introduce potential technical difficulties.
    • Reduced Personal Connection: May limit the development of a strong therapeutic alliance.
    • Distractions: Home environments can be more prone to distractions, potentially impacting the therapeutic process.

In-Person Therapy

In-person therapy, on the other hand, provides a more traditional and personal experience. The physical presence of a therapist can foster a deeper connection, allowing for a more nuanced understanding of body language and emotional nuances. The structured setting of a therapist’s office can also create a safe and confidential space for open communication. However, in-person therapy can be less flexible in terms of scheduling and may require significant time and effort for commuting. Additionally, for individuals with social anxiety or other mental health conditions that make it difficult to leave their homes, in-person therapy may not be the most accessible option.

  • Advantages:
    • Stronger Therapeutic Alliance: Face-to-face interaction can foster a deeper connection between therapist and client.
    • Enhanced Nonverbal Communication: Allows for a nuanced understanding of nonverbal cues.
    • Focused Attention: Dedicated therapeutic space minimizes distractions.
    • Tangible Support: Provides a physical presence that can offer comfort and reassurance.
  • Disadvantages:
    • Time Constraints: Requires physical presence and adherence to scheduled appointments.
    • Limited Accessibility: Geographical limitations may restrict access to qualified therapists.
    • Social Anxiety: May exacerbate anxiety symptoms for individuals who struggle with social interactions.

Ultimately, the choice between online and in-person therapy depends on individual needs and preferences. It’s also worth noting that many therapists offer hybrid models, combining both online and in-person sessions to provide a more tailored approach. Some also choose to do a hybrid of both online and in person to reap the benefits of both therapy options. You have options and can discuss whether counseling online, in-person or hybrid is best for you with a therapist! 

Factors such as comfort level with technology, the severity of mental health concerns, and personal circumstances should be carefully considered. A therapist can help you consider your needs and what may be the best fit for you! 

To learn more about finding the right fit for you, request an appointment here Appointment Request!

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03
Device overload: How to manage your digital devices and avoid burnout

In today’s digital world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by our devices. We’re constantly bombarded with notifications, messages, and emails from multiple devices. This can lead to a sense of device overload, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your devices, there are a few things you can do to manage them more effectively and avoid burnout.

  1. Set boundaries. Decide how much time you want to spend on each device each day, and stick to those limits. It’s also important to set boundaries around when you use your devices. For example, you may want to avoid using your phone in bed or at the dinner table.
  2. Take breaks. It’s important to take breaks from your devices throughout the day. Get up and move around, or do something else that you enjoy. Aim to take a break from screens every 20-30 minutes.
  3. Be mindful of your usage. Pay attention to how you’re using your devices. Are you using them for productivity, or are you just scrolling mindlessly? If you’re finding that you’re spending too much time on passive activities, try to limit those activities and focus on more active activities.
  4. Use your devices intentionally. Use your devices for the things that are most important to you. Don’t feel like you have to be available all the time. If you’re not feeling up to it, it’s okay to turn off your notifications or take a few days away from your devices.
  5. Delete apps and services that you don’t use. If you have apps or services that you don’t use, delete them. This will help to declutter your devices and make it easier to focus on the things that are most important to you.

Here are some additional tips for managing device overload:

  • Use a digital detox app. There are a number of apps available that can help you to manage your screen time and take breaks from your devices.
  • Charge your devices outside of your bedroom. This will help you to avoid checking your phone or computer first thing in the morning or last thing at night.
  • Create a screen-free space. Set aside certain areas in your home where phones and other devices are not allowed, such as the bedroom, the dinner table, and the bathroom.
  • Talk to your family and friends about your device usage. Let them know that you’re trying to reduce your screen time and ask for their support.

It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Many people feel overwhelmed by their devices. By following these tips, you can manage your devices more effectively and avoid burnout.

How device overload can lead to burnout

Device overload can lead to burnout in a number of ways. First, it can lead to stress and anxiety. When we’re constantly bombarded with notifications, messages, and emails, it can be difficult to relax and unwind. This can lead to stress and anxiety, which can eventually lead to burnout.

Second, device overload can lead to a lack of sleep. When we’re using our devices late at night, it can interfere with our sleep. This can lead to fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. All of these things can contribute to burnout.

Third, device overload can lead to social isolation. When we’re spending all of our time on our devices, we’re not connecting with the people around us. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can also contribute to burnout.

Signs and symptoms of burnout

Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged or excessive stress. It can manifest in a number of ways, including:

  • Fatigue
  • Irritability
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Social isolation
  • Physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, and muscle tension

If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, it’s important to talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. They can help you to identify the cause of your burnout and develop a plan to manage it.

How to avoid device overload burnout

To avoid device overload burnout, it’s important to follow the tips above and manage your devices effectively. It’s also important to take care of yourself physically and mentally. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise regularly. You should also spend time doing things that you enjoy and that relax you.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your devices, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to your family and friends, or seek professional help from a doctor or mental health professional.

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How to cope with being estranged from your child:

Blended families are the new norm. According to a 2019 Pew Research Center survey, 16% of all U.S. children under the age of 18 live with a stepparent. While blended families can be wonderful, they can also be challenging. One of the biggest challenges is building good relationships with stepchildren.

Here are some tips on how to establish good relationships with your stepchildren:

  1. Take things slowly. Don’t expect to become instant best friends with your stepchildren. It takes time to build trust and rapport.
  2. Be patient. It may take your stepchildren some time to adjust to having a new stepparent in their lives. Be patient and understanding.
  3. Be respectful. Treat your stepchildren with the same respect that you would treat your own biological children.
  4. Be supportive. Be there for your stepchildren during good times and bad. Show them that you care about them.
  5. Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Just be yourself and let your stepchildren get to know the real you.

Here are some additional tips:

  • Get to know your stepchildren’s interests. What do they like to do for fun? What are their hobbies? Take the time to learn about their interests and show them that you’re interested in what they have to say.
  • Spend time with your stepchildren. Make an effort to spend time with your stepchildren one-on-one and as a family. Go on outings together, play games, or just talk.
  • Be a good listener. When your stepchildren talk to you, listen attentively. Don’t interrupt them and don’t judge them. Just listen and let them know that you’re there for them.
  • Be consistent. Be consistent with your expectations and discipline. Stepchildren need to know what to expect from you and that you will be there for them.
  • Communicate with your spouse or partner. It’s important to communicate with your spouse or partner about your relationship with your stepchildren. Talk about your expectations, concerns, and successes.

It’s also important to remember that building good relationships with stepchildren takes time and effort. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. When you have a good relationship with your stepchildren, everyone benefits.

Here are some additional tips for specific situations:

  • If your stepchildren have biological parents who are still involved in their lives, respect that relationship. Don’t try to undermine or replace their biological parents.
  • If your stepchildren are resistant to having a relationship with you, don’t give up. Keep trying to connect with them and show them that you care.
  • If you have your own biological children, it’s important to treat all of your children equally. Don’t favor one child over another.
  • If you’re struggling to build a good relationship with your stepchildren, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your stepchildren’s needs and develop strategies for building a stronger relationship.

Here are some examples of how you can put these tips into practice:

  • Take your stepchildren to their favorite restaurant or park.
  • Go to their sporting events or school plays.
  • Help them with their homework.
  • Talk to them about their day.
  • Play games with them.
  • Watch their favorite movies or TV shows with them.
  • Read to them.
  • Take them on vacation.
  • Just be there for them.

Building good relationships with your stepchildren takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. When you have a good relationship with your stepchildren, everyone benefits.

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13

How to Know When You Need Therapy or Counseling?

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
How to Know When You Need Therapy or Counseling?

The decision to seek therapy or counseling is a personal one, and there’s no single answer that fits everyone. How to know when you need therapy or counseling is tricky since there is no magic answer. However, if you’re experiencing persistent negative emotions, difficulties in your relationships, or struggles with daily functioning, it might be time to consider professional help.

Some common signs that therapy or counseling could be beneficial include:

  • Persistent negative emotions: If you’re frequently feeling sad, anxious, angry, or hopeless, and these emotions are impacting your daily life, therapy can provide tools and strategies to manage them effectively. 
  • Difficulty managing stress: If you find yourself overwhelmed by stress and unable to cope with life’s challenges, therapy can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms and reduce stress levels.   
  • Strained relationships: If you’re experiencing conflict or communication breakdowns in your relationships with loved ones, therapy can provide a safe space to explore these issues and develop healthier communication patterns.   
  • Changes in behavior or habits: If you’ve noticed significant changes in your eating habits, sleeping patterns, or substance use, therapy can help you understand the underlying causes and develop healthier habits.   
  • Difficulty concentrating or making decisions: If you’re struggling to focus, make decisions, or complete tasks, therapy can help you identify and address the underlying factors contributing to these difficulties.   
  • Thoughts of self-harm or suicide: If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s crucial to seek immediate professional help. Therapy can provide a supportive environment to work through these thoughts and develop coping strategies.   

Remember, seeking therapy or counseling is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s a proactive step towards improving your mental health and well-being. If you’re unsure whether therapy is right for you, consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or healthcare provider. They can offer guidance and support as you make this important decision. These steps will help you in deciding how to know when you need therapy or counseling but often just asking yourself this questions gives you an answer that it might be worth trying!

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06

What your emotions are trying to tell you?

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
Spending the holidays alone

Have you ever wondered what your emotions are trying to tell you? Emotions are the intricate tapestry that weaves together our experiences, guiding our actions, and shaping our understanding of the world. They are the silent orchestra that plays within us, influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. Positive emotions, such as joy, love, and gratitude, uplift our spirits, foster resilience, and enhance our overall well-being. These emotions fuel our creativity, strengthen our connections with others, and motivate us to pursue our passions.   

On the other hand, negative emotions, like sadness, anger, and fear, serve as vital signals, alerting us to potential threats and guiding us towards self-preservation. They can also motivate us to seek support, address challenges, and learn from our mistakes. However, when these emotions become overwhelming or prolonged, they can negatively impact our mental and physical health.   

By understanding the complex interplay of emotions, we can develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence. This enables us to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience, empathy, and compassion. We can learn to harness the power of positive emotions to inspire and uplift ourselves and others, while also managing negative emotions in a healthy and constructive manner. By embracing the full spectrum of human emotion, we can cultivate a richer, more fulfilling life.

To learn more about what your emotions are trying to tell you, consider looking into therapy and counseling to help you explore your own emotional inner world. You can also learn more about this topic by checking out these other articles:

The Role of Positive Emotions in Positive Psychology

What are Negative Emotions and How to Control Them?

Lingering feelings over daily stresses may impact long-term health

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