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10 Tips for Smoother Mornings

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

10 Tips for Smoother Mornings

Not all of us are morning and getting yourself and your kids ready and out the door can be down right stressful. Here are a few helpful tips to make mornings go smoothly.

1. Pack lunches the night before

Instead of rushing around in the morning to pack lunches for yourself and your kids do it the night before.  You can even include your kids in this and have them help pack their own lunch.

2. Gets backpacks and outfits laid out

Having everything packed the night before eliminates the morning stress have rushing around to find library books that are due or show and tell items that are needed for that day.

3. Create a visual schedule for the morning routine

Visual reminders will help kids remember what is included in their morning routine. It will also help to keep them on task.

4. No screen time until everyone is completely ready

Not having screen time until everyone is ready can help with motivating everyone to stick to the routine so that

5. Give everyone a responsibility

Give everyone a job to help get ready in the morning. Whether it is putting out the dishes for breakfast, helping put away today, or helping a younger sibling get ready. Everyone will play a part in getting ready.

6. Be consistent

Being consistent will help your morning routine become habit for your family.

7. Make sure everyone gets enough sleep

Both you and your kids need sleep. Mornings will go better when everyone wakes up feeling well rested.

8. Don’t leave breakfast until last

Everyone has a hard time concentrating and getting things done when they are hungry. Have breakfast earlier in the morning to avoid cranky kids and cranky adults.

9. Remember to check the calendar

Set notifications if there is something special going on that day. No one wants to forget a fun dress up day for the kids or forget to get a treat ready for the class.

10. Stay calm

The more you can organize the easier it will be to get things ready in the morning without getting frustrated or flustered.

How your morning goes can really set the tone for your entire day. Use these tips to help form a morning routine and have less stressful mornings.

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09

Waiting for Answers

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
How to Know When You Need Therapy or Counseling?

If you’re anything like many of us, you’re all too familiar “dot dot dot” you get while waiting for a response from someone. Often, we see them when we’re finalizing plans, or asking someone how their day went. Other times, we see them in response to a big question, like “Where is our relationship at?” or “Are you mad at me?” That visible pause- in three tiny dots- we see light up our phones puts all of our fears at the forefront of our mind. It can be the most gut wrenching two minutes of your life as you wait for their text to materialize.

What Makes You Pause?

Just think about your life for a minute. Do you feel like you’re on pause, waiting for answers? How many of us have stalled at the “dot dot dot”? We ask ourselves, or our spouses, even our friends, the hard questions like:

-Am I happy in my marriage?

-Am I doing the right thing by taking this new job?

-Should I have another baby?

-Is my son/daughter in need of more help than I can give them?

-Are issues in my prior relationships keeping me from moving on?

-Why can’t I find contentment in my life?

And we don’t have the answer, and neither do they. So we wait for a response, but nothing comes. And we sit, staring at that “dot dot dot” in life, wondering what we do next. How do you know if you’re choosing correctly? Who can you turn to when you don’t have the answers, and people around you can’t help you?

Seek Help

If you are tired of being on pause, waiting for an answer, consider talking to one of our therapists. We are here to listen and help. Our goal is to help you bring more joy, laughter and love into your life. We provide counseling that will help you live your life to the fullest by supporting you through difficult times as well as teaching you skills that will allow you to make changes and progress towards a healthier, happier, more fulfilling life.

Stop waiting for the answers, and let us help you find them. To learn more visit our website at: https://www.collaborativemn.com

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20

What Is Validation?

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
outpatient level of mental health care

Validation is when you listen to what another person is saying to you and reflect it back to them that you understand how they are feeling. An important thing to remember is validating is NOT necessarily agreeing with the other person. It also doesn’t mean you like what the other person is saying, doing or believing. You are simply restating back to the person what you hear them saying.

Why should we validate others?

There are many benefits to validating people, including it:

  • Shows you are listening
  • Lets people know that you care
  • Proves you understand the other person’s point of view
  • Is nonjudgmental
  • Improves communication and openness
  • Decreases conflict
  • Establishes trust

How do I validate others?

Validation involves listening to what the person is saying, stating back what you hear them saying to you and then responding to the person’s needs at that time.

For example, when talking to someone nod and make small gestures to show you are listening (e.g. say mmhmm, I see, huh). Then restate what you hear the person saying (e.g. “That really hurt your feelings”, “You didn’t like that”, “That pisses you off!” or “You’re angry!”). Respond by asking what the person needs, they may want space or a hug or to just vent a bit more while you listen.

Be mindful and avoid judging what the other person is saying. Show tolerance for the other person by working to recognize that their reaction makes sense considering his/her life situation, experiences and history even if you do not necessarily agree with that person.

What does it mean to be invalidating?

We invalidate people’s feelings when we minimize or disregard their experience. Some common examples: “Oh, you’ll get over it”, “You don’t need those friends anyway”, “It’s not that big a deal” or “You should…”.

What are the negative impacts of being invalidating?

There are many negative outcomes from not validating others’, including it:

  • Shows you aren’t listening
  • Says you don’t care or believe the other person
  • Shows you don’t understand the person
  • Is judgmental
  • Decreases openness and communication
  • Increases conflict
  • Decreases trust

The next time you are talking to your child, friend, lover, spouse or co-worker consider trying to just listen, reflect back what you hear and ask what the person needs in the moment. You may find it helps the person and also improves your relationship!!

Validation is a strong component of DBT, to learn more visit: https://www.collaborativemn.com/counseling-services/dialectical-behavior-therapy-DBT

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12

Speak the truth without blame or judgement

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

Do you find it hard to speak the truth or to not blame others? Will you sometimes speak the truth but it comes out harsh and critical? Have you struggled to communicate difficult truths or complaints? Do you avoid situations you believe may involve conflict?

Many people find themselves struggling to find ways to speak the truth with kindness. Often problems and conflicts only become worse when we avoid facing them. Issues also can become worse if we confront issues or concerns in a harsh or accusing way. If people make it personal with blame and judgment, it doesn’t help and it creates more barriers.

How do I speak my truth?

The best way to confront difficult truths is to be clear, kind and honest. Here are some questions to help you in considering how to speak your truths:

  • Ask yourself, “What is my truth?”
  • How can I speak this truth without blame or judgment?
  • What is at the heart of this concern? Why is this important to me?
  • What is my request? (This is critical, you must be clear on what you are asking for and how you want things to be different. Feedback without clear requests often do not lead to future change.)
  • How can I deliver this message with love?

It is important to remember honesty and truth are NOT about bludgeoning someone with the truth. Try to believe the best in the person you need to communicate the difficult truth to and remember most breakdowns are not intentional.

When people start telling the truth to each other, things are illuminated, and it creates a sense of openness. So open up your own heart and begin to speak your truth without blame and without judgment.

We challenge you to practice asking yourself the questions above before delivering difficult truths. You will find yourself having better relationships with others and you will feel lighter, freer and happier!

 

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05

Plant a seed

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
Let Love Grow

Let Love Grow

Plant a seed.

You might be wondering – what does that have to do with counseling?! I would argue it is at the core of psychotherapy.

Seeds can be a recommendation, a challenging question or something we notice within another person. Sometimes seeds take root and grow right away and sometimes they stay dormant for years before getting what they need to grow. Be patient and remember to be open to outcome, not attached to outcome – you can plant the seed but you can’t force it to grow.

If you are a parent, you may at times think your kids aren’t listening to a thing you say. I recommend you to keep talking anyway because when you least expect it your kids will start to catch your bits of wisdom.

If you notice someone struggling in life, offer him or her a kind act or caring words. Sometimes the kindness of one person can change the life of another. It’s worth a few minutes of going out of your way.

Sometimes we get stuck on trying to find the extraordinary things we can do to make a difference. But really we make the most different through the small things we do. Don’t give up all of the chances to do something good looking for the one chance to do something great.

My challenge to you: plant a seed everyday.

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