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How to cope with being estranged from your child:

Blended families are the new norm. According to a 2019 Pew Research Center survey, 16% of all U.S. children under the age of 18 live with a stepparent. While blended families can be wonderful, they can also be challenging. One of the biggest challenges is building good relationships with stepchildren.

Here are some tips on how to establish good relationships with your stepchildren:

  1. Take things slowly. Don’t expect to become instant best friends with your stepchildren. It takes time to build trust and rapport.
  2. Be patient. It may take your stepchildren some time to adjust to having a new stepparent in their lives. Be patient and understanding.
  3. Be respectful. Treat your stepchildren with the same respect that you would treat your own biological children.
  4. Be supportive. Be there for your stepchildren during good times and bad. Show them that you care about them.
  5. Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Just be yourself and let your stepchildren get to know the real you.

Here are some additional tips:

  • Get to know your stepchildren’s interests. What do they like to do for fun? What are their hobbies? Take the time to learn about their interests and show them that you’re interested in what they have to say.
  • Spend time with your stepchildren. Make an effort to spend time with your stepchildren one-on-one and as a family. Go on outings together, play games, or just talk.
  • Be a good listener. When your stepchildren talk to you, listen attentively. Don’t interrupt them and don’t judge them. Just listen and let them know that you’re there for them.
  • Be consistent. Be consistent with your expectations and discipline. Stepchildren need to know what to expect from you and that you will be there for them.
  • Communicate with your spouse or partner. It’s important to communicate with your spouse or partner about your relationship with your stepchildren. Talk about your expectations, concerns, and successes.

It’s also important to remember that building good relationships with stepchildren takes time and effort. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. When you have a good relationship with your stepchildren, everyone benefits.

Here are some additional tips for specific situations:

  • If your stepchildren have biological parents who are still involved in their lives, respect that relationship. Don’t try to undermine or replace their biological parents.
  • If your stepchildren are resistant to having a relationship with you, don’t give up. Keep trying to connect with them and show them that you care.
  • If you have your own biological children, it’s important to treat all of your children equally. Don’t favor one child over another.
  • If you’re struggling to build a good relationship with your stepchildren, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your stepchildren’s needs and develop strategies for building a stronger relationship.

Here are some examples of how you can put these tips into practice:

  • Take your stepchildren to their favorite restaurant or park.
  • Go to their sporting events or school plays.
  • Help them with their homework.
  • Talk to them about their day.
  • Play games with them.
  • Watch their favorite movies or TV shows with them.
  • Read to them.
  • Take them on vacation.
  • Just be there for them.

Building good relationships with your stepchildren takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. When you have a good relationship with your stepchildren, everyone benefits.

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13

How to Know When You Need Therapy or Counseling?

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
How to Know When You Need Therapy or Counseling?

The decision to seek therapy or counseling is a personal one, and there’s no single answer that fits everyone. How to know when you need therapy or counseling is tricky since there is no magic answer. However, if you’re experiencing persistent negative emotions, difficulties in your relationships, or struggles with daily functioning, it might be time to consider professional help.

Some common signs that therapy or counseling could be beneficial include:

  • Persistent negative emotions: If you’re frequently feeling sad, anxious, angry, or hopeless, and these emotions are impacting your daily life, therapy can provide tools and strategies to manage them effectively. 
  • Difficulty managing stress: If you find yourself overwhelmed by stress and unable to cope with life’s challenges, therapy can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms and reduce stress levels.   
  • Strained relationships: If you’re experiencing conflict or communication breakdowns in your relationships with loved ones, therapy can provide a safe space to explore these issues and develop healthier communication patterns.   
  • Changes in behavior or habits: If you’ve noticed significant changes in your eating habits, sleeping patterns, or substance use, therapy can help you understand the underlying causes and develop healthier habits.   
  • Difficulty concentrating or making decisions: If you’re struggling to focus, make decisions, or complete tasks, therapy can help you identify and address the underlying factors contributing to these difficulties.   
  • Thoughts of self-harm or suicide: If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or others, it’s crucial to seek immediate professional help. Therapy can provide a supportive environment to work through these thoughts and develop coping strategies.   

Remember, seeking therapy or counseling is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s a proactive step towards improving your mental health and well-being. If you’re unsure whether therapy is right for you, consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or healthcare provider. They can offer guidance and support as you make this important decision. These steps will help you in deciding how to know when you need therapy or counseling but often just asking yourself this questions gives you an answer that it might be worth trying!

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06

What your emotions are trying to tell you?

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
Spending the holidays alone

Have you ever wondered what your emotions are trying to tell you? Emotions are the intricate tapestry that weaves together our experiences, guiding our actions, and shaping our understanding of the world. They are the silent orchestra that plays within us, influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. Positive emotions, such as joy, love, and gratitude, uplift our spirits, foster resilience, and enhance our overall well-being. These emotions fuel our creativity, strengthen our connections with others, and motivate us to pursue our passions.   

On the other hand, negative emotions, like sadness, anger, and fear, serve as vital signals, alerting us to potential threats and guiding us towards self-preservation. They can also motivate us to seek support, address challenges, and learn from our mistakes. However, when these emotions become overwhelming or prolonged, they can negatively impact our mental and physical health.   

By understanding the complex interplay of emotions, we can develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence. This enables us to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience, empathy, and compassion. We can learn to harness the power of positive emotions to inspire and uplift ourselves and others, while also managing negative emotions in a healthy and constructive manner. By embracing the full spectrum of human emotion, we can cultivate a richer, more fulfilling life.

To learn more about what your emotions are trying to tell you, consider looking into therapy and counseling to help you explore your own emotional inner world. You can also learn more about this topic by checking out these other articles:

The Role of Positive Emotions in Positive Psychology

What are Negative Emotions and How to Control Them?

Lingering feelings over daily stresses may impact long-term health

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06

How to Pick a Therapist

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
How to Pick a Therapist

Choosing a therapist is a significant step in your mental health journey. Learning how to pick a therapist can be tricky! Here are some tips to help you find the right fit:   

1. Define Your Needs:

Before starting your search, consider what you hope to gain from therapy. Are you dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or trauma? Understanding your specific needs will help you narrow down your options and find a therapist who specializes in the areas that are most relevant to you.   

2. Seek Recommendations:

Talk to friends, family, or your primary care physician for referrals. They may have personal experiences or know someone who has found a good therapist. Word-of-mouth recommendations can be a valuable resource, as they often come from people who have had positive experiences with a particular therapist.  

3. Utilize Online Resources:

Websites like Psychology Today and GoodTherapy allow you to search for therapists based on location, specialty, and insurance acceptance. You can read therapist profiles, see their areas of expertise, and sometimes even find client reviews. These online resources can be a great starting point for your search, as they provide a convenient way to compare different therapists and find one who meets your specific needs.   

4. Consider Your Preferences:

Think about the therapist’s gender, age, and experience level. Some people prefer a therapist with a similar background, while others value a therapist with a different perspective. You may also want to consider the therapist’s approach to therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, or humanistic therapy. Different therapeutic approaches may be more effective for different individuals, so it’s important to find a therapist whose approach aligns with your preferences and needs.   

5. Schedule Initial Consultations:

Most therapists offer free or low-cost initial consultations. This is an opportunity to meet the therapist, discuss your concerns, and ask questions. Pay attention to how you feel during the consultation. Do you feel comfortable and understood? Does the therapist seem knowledgeable and empathetic? The initial consultation is a great opportunity to assess the therapist’s personality, communication style, and overall fit with your needs.   

6. Trust Your Gut:

Ultimately, the best way to choose a therapist is to trust your instincts. If you feel a connection with the therapist and believe they can help you, it’s likely a good match. However, it’s important to remember that it may take time to build rapport with a therapist. Don’t be afraid to try different therapists until you find the one who is the best fit for you.

Remember, finding the right therapist takes time and effort. Don’t be afraid to try different therapists until you find the one who is the best fit for you. We hope this helps you in how to pick a therapist that is right for you!

How to Pick a Therapist
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26

Spending Holidays Alone

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
Spending the holidays alone

The holidays can be a bittersweet time for those who are alone. However, with a bit of planning and a positive mindset, you can make the most of the season. Here are some tips to help you navigate the holidays solo:

Embrace the Solitude:

  • Self-Care: Treat yourself to a relaxing bath, read a good book, or indulge in a hobby you enjoy.   
  • Mindfulness: Practice meditation or yoga to calm your mind and reduce stress.   
  • Gratitude Journaling: Reflect on the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small.   

Connect with Others:

  • Virtual Gatherings: Schedule video calls with loved ones, even if they’re far away.   
  • Community Events: Attend local holiday events like concerts, parades, or tree lightings.
  • Volunteer: Give back to your community by volunteering at a local shelter or food bank.   

Create Your Own Traditions:

  • Holiday Movie Marathon: Curl up on the couch with your favorite holiday movies and snacks.   
  • Cooking or Baking: Experiment with new recipes or indulge in your favorite holiday treats.   
  • Decorate Your Space: Create a festive atmosphere in your home with decorations and lights.

Practice Self-Compassion:

  • Accept Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel sad or lonely at times.
  • Avoid Negative Comparisons: Don’t compare your situation to others’ seemingly perfect holiday experiences.
  • Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, consider talking to a therapist.

Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many people spend the holidays alone, and it’s an opportunity to focus on yourself and your well-being.

By embracing solitude, connecting with others, creating new traditions, and practicing self-compassion, you can make this holiday season a positive and memorable one.   

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15

Miscarriage and Infertility: Navigating Loss Together

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

Miscarriage and infertility can be some of the most difficult experiences a couple can go through. Navigating the loss together in miscarriage and infertility can make a difference in a relationship. While you will each grieve in your own way, trying to be there for your partner can be powerful. These losses can be emotionally devastating, and they can put a strain on even the strongest relationships.

If you are facing a miscarriage or infertility with your partner, there are things you can do to support each other and work through this difficult time together. Here are some tips:

  • Communicate with each other openly and honestly. Talk about your feelings, your fears, and your hopes. It’s important to be honest with each other about what you’re going through, even if it’s difficult.
  • Listen to each other without judgment. Be there for your partner and offer support. Let them know that you’re there for them and that you love them.
  • Allow yourselves time to grieve. Miscarriages and infertility are losses, and it’s important to allow yourselves time to grieve. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Allow yourself the time you need.
  • Seek professional help if needed. If you or your partner are struggling to cope with a miscarriage or infertility, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you work through this difficult time.

Here are some specific things you can do to help your partner:

  • Try to offer practical support. This could include things like helping around the house, cooking meals, or running errands.
  • Be a listening ear. Let your partner know that you’re there for them and that you want to listen to them talk about their feelings.
  • Validate their emotions. Let your partner know that their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated.
  • Encourage them to take care of themselves. This could include things like eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
  • Don’t pressure them to talk about their feelings if they’re not ready. Everyone grieves in their own way, so let your partner process their emotions at their own pace.

Here are some specific things you can do to cope with infertility together:

  • Educate yourselves about infertility. The more you know about infertility, the better equipped you will be to deal with it. There are many resources available online and in libraries.
  • Talk to your doctor about your options. There are many treatments available for infertility, and your doctor can help you decide which one is right for you.
  • Consider joining a support group. Support groups can be a great way to connect with other couples who are going through the same thing. You can offer each other support and advice, and you can learn from each other’s experiences.
  • Don’t give up on your dream of having a family. Infertility can be a difficult challenge, but it is possible to overcome it. Stay positive and never give up on your dream of having a family.

Miscarriage and infertility can be difficult experiences, but they don’t have to define your relationship. By working together and supporting each other, you can get through this difficult time and emerge stronger.

Here are some additional tips for working with your partner through miscarriages and infertility:

  • Be patient and understanding with each other. Everyone grieves and copes with loss in different ways. Be patient with each other and give each other the space and time you need.
  • Be honest about your feelings and needs. Don’t be afraid to communicate with each other about what you’re going through and what you need from each other.
  • Don’t blame yourselves. Miscarriages and infertility are usually not caused by anything you did wrong. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone and that there are many other couples who are going through the same thing.

Remember, you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you and your partner through this difficult time. With support and communication, you can get through this together.

  • Here are a few other resources:
    • Resolve: The National Infertility Association website has a wealth of information on miscarriages and infertility, including treatment options, support groups, and personal stories.  https://resolve.org/
    • Miscarriage Association: The Miscarriage Association website has information on miscarriages, including symptoms, causes, and coping strategies. https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
    • American Pregnancy Association: The American Pregnancy Association website has information on miscarriages and infertility, including treatment options and support resources.  https://americanpregnancy.org/
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27

Have you ever noticed how your mood can change after eating certain foods? It’s no coincidence! The link between food and mental health is becoming increasingly recognized. In the past we thought of our mind and body as separate but they more scientists learn, the more they find they are deeply connected to one another. Let’s dive into the connection between food and your mental health.

Nourishing Your Brain and Mental Health

Your brain is a complex organ that requires a steady supply of nutrients to function optimally. Just like your body needs fuel, your brain needs the right kind of nourishment to support cognitive function, mood regulation, and memory. The food you eat can change your overall well being.

Key nutrients for brain health include:

  • Omega-3 fatty acids: Found in fatty fish, flaxseeds, and walnuts, these fats play a crucial role in brain function and mood.
  • B vitamins: Essential for energy production and mood regulation, B vitamins can be found in whole grains, leafy green vegetables, and lean meats.
  • Vitamin D: Often called the “sunshine vitamin,” vitamin D supports mood and cognitive function. It can be found in fatty fish, fortified dairy products, and egg yolks.

The Gut-Brain Connection

Did you know your gut is often referred to as your “second brain”? It’s true! The gut-brain axis is a complex communication system. The gut-brain axis influences mood, behavior, and overall well-being.

  • Probiotics: Beneficial bacteria found in yogurt, kefir, and fermented foods can support gut health and positively impact mood.
  • Fiber: Found in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, fiber promotes a healthy gut microbiome, which can contribute to better mental health.

The Impact of Diet on Mental Health

Eating a balanced diet rich in whole foods can have a profound impact on your mental health. Studies have shown that diets high in processed foods, sugary drinks, and unhealthy fats are linked to an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Making healthy eating choices can have a bit impact on your mental health. Remember, your mind and body are all connected.

Tips for improving your diet for better mental health:

  • Prioritize whole foods: Focus on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats.
  • Limit processed foods: Reduce your intake of sugary drinks, fast food, and highly processed snacks.
  • Stay hydrated: Drink plenty of water throughout the day.
  • Mindful eating: Pay attention to your body’s hunger and fullness cues.

Remember, making gradual changes to your diet is key. It’s important to listen to your body and find what works best for you. If you’re struggling with your diet as it relates to mental health, consider consulting with a healthcare professional or registered dietitian for personalized guidance. Therapy can also be a starting point for exploring the mind body connection and the food you eat.

For resources on healthy meal planning, check out EatingWell.com

For resources on counseling, check out our therapists at https://www.collaborativemn.com/meet-our-team

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13

How to help your child who is a victim of bullying

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
How to help your child who is a victim of bullying

Bullying is a serious problem that can have a devastating impact on children’s lives. It can lead to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. If you think your child is being bullied, it’s important to take action immediately. Below you can find helpful tips on how to help your child who is a victim of bullying.

Here are some tips on how to help your child who is a victim of bullying:

  • Listen to your child. The most important thing you can do is listen to your child and let them know that you believe them and that you’re there for them. Don’t minimize their experience or tell them to “just ignore it.”
  • Reassure your child that it’s not their fault. Bullies often target their victims because of something that they perceive as different or unusual about them. This is not your child’s fault. Remind your child that they are worthy of respect and that they don’t deserve to be treated this way.
  • Help your child develop coping skills. There are a number of things your child can do to cope with bullying, such as walking away, standing up to the bully, or telling a trusted adult. Help your child develop a plan for how they will respond if they are bullied again.
  • Work with the school. If your child is being bullied at school, let the school administrator know immediately. The school has a responsibility to provide a safe and supportive learning environment for all students. The school may be able to take disciplinary action against the bully and/or develop a safety plan for your child.

Additional Tips:

  • Seek professional help if needed. If your child is struggling to cope with bullying, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. A therapist can help your child develop coping skills, build self-confidence, and deal with any emotional scars that the bullying has caused.
  • Encourage your child to stay strong and resilient. Bullying can be a very difficult experience, but it’s important for your child to know that they are not alone and that they can get through it. Remind them of their strengths and positive qualities, and help them to develop a positive self-image.
  • Help your child to build a strong support network. Encourage your child to spend time with supportive friends and family members. These people can provide your child with love, support, and encouragement.
  • Monitor your child’s behavior and mood. Bullying can have a significant impact on a child’s emotional and mental well-being. Pay attention to your child’s behavior and mood for any changes that may indicate that they are struggling. If you are concerned, talk to your child or seek professional help.

It’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to helping a child who is being bullied. The best approach will vary depending on the individual child and the specific situation. However, by following the tips above, you can provide your child with the support and guidance they need to cope with bullying and recover from its effects.

Additional resources

  • StopBullying.gov is a website from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services that provides information and resources on bullying. https://www.stopbullying.gov/
  • PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center is a non-profit organization that provides resources and support to victims of bullying. https://www.pacer.org/bullying/
  • The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free, confidential suicide prevention hotline. If you are concerned that your child may be suicidal, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Conclusion

Bullying is a serious problem, but it’s important to remember that there is help available. If your child is being bullied, take action immediately. Listen to your child, reassure them that it’s not their fault, and help them develop coping skills. Work with the school to address the situation, and seek professional help if needed. With your support, your child can overcome the effects of bullying and thrive.

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06

How to Give Feedback to a Family Member: A Delicate Balance

Giving feedback to a family member can be a tricky task. It’s a delicate balance between honesty and maintaining relationships. But with the right approach, it can lead to stronger bonds and personal growth. Here are some tips to help you navigate this sensitive situation:

Choose the Right Time and Place

  • Timing is everything: Avoid giving feedback when someone is stressed, tired, or hungry.
  • Privacy is key: Choose a private setting where you won’t be interrupted.

Focus on Behavior, Not Personality

  • Be specific: Instead of generalizing, provide concrete examples of the behavior that bothers you.
  • Use “I” statements: This helps to avoid blaming and defensiveness. For instance, say “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”.

Express Your Feelings Clearly

  • Be honest: Share your genuine feelings without being accusatory.
  • Use “and” instead of “but”: This helps to soften the blow. For example, “I appreciate your help with the chores, and I would like to discuss how we can improve our communication about them.”

Listen Actively

  • Give them a chance to speak: Allow your family member to share their perspective.
  • Empathize: Try to understand their point of view.

Offer Solutions

  • Be constructive: Suggest ways to improve the situation.
  • Focus on the future: Avoid dwelling on past mistakes.

Maintain Open Communication

  • Encourage dialogue: Let your family member know you’re open to further discussion.
  • Be patient: Change takes time.

Remember: The goal of giving feedback is to improve the relationship, not to win an argument. Approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to compromise.

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20

What to do when you are alone for the holidays

Posted by Collaborative Counseling
Spending the holidays alone

What to do when you are alone for the holidays

The holidays can be a difficult time for people who are alone. Whether you are by choice or by circumstance, spending the holidays without loved ones can be lonely. However, there are many things you can do to make the holidays enjoyable, even if you are alone.

Here are some tips:

  • Acknowledge your feelings. It is okay to feel sad, lonely, or even angry about being alone for the holidays. Don’t try to suppress your emotions or pretend that you’re not feeling anything. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of companionship and the holiday traditions you may be missing.
  • Reach out to others. Even if you can’t be with loved ones in person, you can still connect with them through phone calls, video chats, or social media. You can also reach out to friends or neighbors who may also be spending the holidays alone.
  • Create new traditions. If you are missing out on traditional holiday activities, create new ones that you enjoy. For example, you could cook your favorite meal, watch your favorite holiday movies, or go for a walk in nature.
  • Give back to your community. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people and make a difference in the world. There are many opportunities to volunteer during the holidays, such as serving meals at a soup kitchen or donating gifts to children in need.
  • Take care of yourself. It is important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally during the holidays. Make sure to eat healthy, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. You should also avoid alcohol and drugs, as they can worsen feelings of loneliness and depression.

Here are some specific activity ideas for spending the holidays alone:

  • Cooking and baking: Cooking and baking can be a fun and rewarding way to spend the holidays. You can try new recipes, experiment with different flavors, and create delicious dishes to enjoy yourself. You can also bake cookies or other treats to give to friends and neighbors.
  • Watching movies: Watching movies is a great way to relax and escape into another world. You can watch your favorite holiday movies or try something new. You can also watch movies that are set in other countries or cultures to learn more about different traditions.
  • Reading: Reading is another great way to relax and escape into another world. You can read fiction or non-fiction books, depending on your interests. You can also read holiday-themed books to get into the spirit of the season.
  • Taking walks: Taking walks is a great way to get exercise and enjoy the outdoors. You can walk around your neighborhood, visit a local park, or go for a hike in the woods. If you live in a cold climate, you can go for walks indoors at a shopping mall or fitness center.
  • Volunteering: Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community and meet new people. There are many opportunities to volunteer during the holidays, such as serving meals at a soup kitchen, donating gifts to children in need, or helping out at a local animal shelter.
  • Traveling: If you have the time and resources, traveling can be a great way to spend the holidays alone. You can visit a new city or country, or revisit a place that you love. Traveling can help you to experience new cultures and meet new people.
  • Spending time with pets: If you have pets, spending time with them can be a great way to reduce stress and feel less alone. Pets provide companionship and unconditional love. You can cuddle with your pet, play with them, or take them for a walk.
  • Self-care activities: Self-care activities are important for everyone, but they can be especially important for people who are alone for the holidays. Some self-care activities that you can do include taking a long bath, getting a massage, or reading a book in a cozy spot. You can also try new activities, such as yoga, meditation, or journaling.

It is important to remember that you are not alone

Many people spend the holidays alone, and there are many things you can do to make the holidays enjoyable. By following the tips above, you can create a holiday season that is both meaningful and memorable.

Additional tips for coping with loneliness:

  • Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about being alone. Remember that it is okay to feel lonely and that you are not alone in feeling this way.
  • Reach out for support. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about how you are feeling. There are also many online and in-person support groups for people who are alone for the holidays.
  • Do things that you enjoy. Make time for activities that make you happy, such as reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature.
  • Take care of your physical and mental health. Eat healthy, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
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