Mental Health Help Archives | Collaborative Counseling

20 April

What Leads People to Cutting?

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

How to help your child who is a victim of bullying

Research estimates that 80% of cutters and those who self harm are trying to regain their emotional balance. There are a couple of factors commonly seen in those who cut:

1) They tend to be more sensitive and emotionally reactive.

2) They often feel invalidated by their environment.

Let’s break these two apart to make them more understandable.

Sensitive and Emotionally Reactive

People who cut seem to be more sensitive than others and they tend to have much stronger reactions to the feelings they experience. They also seem to take longer to recover from strong emotions than most. Others will often describe them as a “drama queen”, “overemotional” or “overly sensitive”. This strong emotional reaction makes them vulnerable to acting in a way that is either impulsive or can be desperate to soothe him or herself.

Invalidated by the Environment

This means they do not feel understood or heard. Validation involves using empathy to make sure the other person feels heard and understood. To validate, we accept the other person’s experience as they state it without judging or helping problem solve. Often with emotionally reactive people we can get reactive ourselves instead of trying to make them feel better or helping them to solve the problem.

These two factors combined will often leave the person struggling to find a way to feel in control, particularly of strong negative emotions. Cutting thus becomes a tool to manage painful emotions because it soothes just as drugs and alcohol can.

For more information on how to help someone who cuts, visit http://collaborativemn.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/

Cutting, dbt, distress tolerance, Emotional Regulation, Emotionally Reactive, family therapy, Self-Esteem, Self-Harm, Teen Stress, Validation

17 April

Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

Recently, there has been a spotlight on sexual assault in the media. This is an unprecedented moment in time highlighting just how prevalent this issue is in our society today. With movements such as “me too” leading the way, many survivors have found the courage to come forward and tell their story while bringing much needed awareness to the issue. While we are making strides in the right direction, we still have work to do when it comes to confronting and ending sexual assault and the stigma that comes along with it.

What is Sexual Assault?

The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) defines sexual assault as: “sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim.” Some examples of sexual assault are:

Attempted rape
Unwanted touching
Forcing a victim to perform sexual acts- this can include both physical and psychological pressures such as threats or manipulation
Rape (forced sexual intercourse)

Who is Affected by Sexual Assault?

Both males and females experience sexual assault. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men are survivors of sexual assault. Young women are especially vulnerable. Almost 80% of female victims are under the age of 25 when they were first assaulted. Additionally, most victims know their perpetrators. People such as a family member or an intimate partner, can be perpetrators as well as an acquaintance.

What Can I Do?

First, it is important to remember that sexual assault is never the survivors fault. Knowing the steps to take when you feel something isn’t right is key. When you see a person at-risk of sexual assault, RAINN suggests taking the following steps:

Create a Distraction- try to interrupt the situation to give the person a chance to get away and to a safe place.
Ask Directly- speak directly to the person who may be at-risk asking questions like “Would you like me to stay with you?”
Refer to an Authority- find a neutral party with authority such as an RA, security guard, bartender or call 911 if you are concerned for someone’s safety.
Enlist Others- find someone to go with you to confront the situation or someone who knows the person you are concerned about.

If you suspect someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault there are some things you can do. Remember that it is important to avoid judgement and to listen. Simple phrases such as: “I believe you” “It’s not your fault” and “You are not alone” offer validation and support to survivors. Know that the trauma from the assault can be short-term or long lasting, every survivor responds differently. Be patient and encourage them to seek support but realize that is their decision to make.

We can all do things to prevent sexual assault, even if we are not able to directly step in to prevent it. Even a simple action such as offering a safe ride home from a party could prevent an assault. The biggest and longest lasting change can only happen with a shift in culture and our collective way of thinking about sexual violence. To learn more about sexual assault and what you can do to help, visit: https://rainn.org

#metoo, preventing sexual assault, sexual assault, sexual assault and awareness month, sexual assault prevention, sexual assault survivor

04 January

Teen Stress

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

The teen years involve a lot of stress. Some studies have indicated that teen stress is on the rise. However, many of the stressors teens face today, are the same as those faced by teens many years past.

Teen Stressors

The teen years involve many unique challenges from other phases of life. Some of these challenges include:

Most teens want to fit in. An important part of the teen years is finding a sense of acceptance from friends, family and community. While this is easy for some it can be very difficult for others. The social hierarchy is always at the forefront of teens attention.
Hormones are on the rise! Teen years involve many changes biologically which for some happen right on time, for others too slow and for others far too fast.
Brain development is rapid. In the teen years the frontal lobe begins to develop allowing teens to plan more and sometimes making them feel they know it all!
Peer pressure kicks in to full gear. Teens begin to feel more pressures to fit in to social expectations, to take risks and to try new things, some of which include alcohol, drugs and sexual behaviors.
What are you going to do with your life? Increasingly teens are feeling the pressure to figure out what they will be “when I grow up”.

How to Help

As a teen, there are many competing demands from parents, peers, teachers, employers, coaches and more. The goal of the teen years is to develop positive ways to cope with the stress of the increasing demands of life. As parents it is important to be a listening ear for your child as well as to pay attention to their friends and life dramas. Most of all, it is important to foster the sense that your child has the ability to make positive choices for themselves.

Teen stress will always exist. To learn more about how to support your teen in developing the skills to navigate the teen years visit https://www.collaborativemn.com/counseling-services/teen-counseling

communication, Coping Skills, how to communicate with your teen, Teen Stress, Teens

06 December

Talking to Kids About School Violence

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

How to cope with being estranged from your child:

With so much media coverage of acts of violence, including school shootings, both adults and children are aware and thinking about violence in schools. We have heard many parents say they don’t want to send their child to school and kids are worried about it too.

When significant acts of violence occur, it is important to be aware that some children may react strongly to these types of events. For parents, teachers and therapists it is important to be able to talk to children about their thoughts and feelings.

How to Cope

Here are some tips and guidelines to help be prepared to talk to children about school violence:

Be honest. Give children information they can understand in their own level. Help them to understand that while bad things happen to children sometimes, most children will not get harmed while at school.
Limit exposure your child has to violent video games, movie, TV, computer and books. Research shows the violent information has a cumulative effect in children. Also do not describe scenarios that may further frighten your child.
Monitor what information your child is getting or already has about the recent events. If they are hearing rumors or have wrong information, help them to understand the facts.
Be there for your child. Listen to what they have to say. Reassure your child is safe and that you and their school is working hard to keep them safe.
Work to manage your own fear and anxiety. Avoid letting your child take on your worries.
Give your child information on how to maintain safety through their actions. Provide them with information on how their school works to keep them safe.
Try to maintain normal activities and routines.

When difficult situations such as these occur, it can be hard to manage our own worries and those of our children. It is important to remember that while coverage of these types of school shootings and other acts of violence can be overwhelming, they are very rare. Learn more about our services for teens at: https://www.collaborativemn.com/counseling-services/teen-counseling

communication, parenting, School Violence, teen counseling, teen struggles, Teens, Therapy for Children

17 November

Are You Made of “Solid Gold”?

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

These days we frequently hear advertisements luring us to sell the “old gold” we having lying around the house. However, how do we know if it’s real? If it’s pure through and through? That got me to thinking about congruence within ourselves. Are we pure gold through and through?

What Does It Mean To Be “Solid Gold”?

It has to do with values. Not WHAT you value, but what DO you value. By this I mean living and behaving according to our values. We all know and admire folks like this. They do what they say and they believe what they do.

In counseling others, I encourage clients to think about this. Are you living and behaving according to your values? When you do, peace will be yours and so will respect. It’s a challenge to really sit back and take our own inventory. It can be much easier to take the inventory of others, however then change doesn’t really occur.

Counseling is a way to gently guide you to your true golden self.

For more information about counseling visit: https://www.collaborativemn.com/counseling-services/individual-counseling

Counseling, living a genuine life, person-centered, relationships, self-improvement, Values

09 November

Waiting for Answers

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

How to Know When You Need Therapy or Counseling?

If you’re anything like many of us, you’re all too familiar “dot dot dot” you get while waiting for a response from someone. Often, we see them when we’re finalizing plans, or asking someone how their day went. Other times, we see them in response to a big question, like “Where is our relationship at?” or “Are you mad at me?” That visible pause- in three tiny dots- we see light up our phones puts all of our fears at the forefront of our mind. It can be the most gut wrenching two minutes of your life as you wait for their text to materialize.

What Makes You Pause?

Just think about your life for a minute. Do you feel like you’re on pause, waiting for answers? How many of us have stalled at the “dot dot dot”? We ask ourselves, or our spouses, even our friends, the hard questions like:

-Am I happy in my marriage?

-Am I doing the right thing by taking this new job?

-Should I have another baby?

-Is my son/daughter in need of more help than I can give them?

-Are issues in my prior relationships keeping me from moving on?

-Why can’t I find contentment in my life?

And we don’t have the answer, and neither do they. So we wait for a response, but nothing comes. And we sit, staring at that “dot dot dot” in life, wondering what we do next. How do you know if you’re choosing correctly? Who can you turn to when you don’t have the answers, and people around you can’t help you?

Seek Help

If you are tired of being on pause, waiting for an answer, consider talking to one of our therapists. We are here to listen and help. Our goal is to help you bring more joy, laughter and love into your life. We provide counseling that will help you live your life to the fullest by supporting you through difficult times as well as teaching you skills that will allow you to make changes and progress towards a healthier, happier, more fulfilling life.

Stop waiting for the answers, and let us help you find them. To learn more visit our website at: https://www.collaborativemn.com

communication, Communication Help, Counseling, growth, patience, relationships, Searching for Answers

03 November

Thoughts on How to Care for Yourself When in Grief

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

Living with bipolar disorder can be challenging

The five areas of ourselves that really need extra care now are (1) your physical self, (2) your emotional self, (3) your mental self, (4) your spiritual self, and (5) your social self. Below are somethings that will help in each of these areas.

Physical

Good food (junk food, caffeine, & alcohol will sabotage your healing).
Sleep/rest – your energy field and immune system are in shock.
Walking in nature is healing – head for a park, zoo, or conservatory.

Emotional

Forgiveness and total lack of blame for everyone.
Giving support & compassion to all others who are suffering now in this.

Mental

Get a clear & total understanding of what lead up to the tragedy.
Do not make any major decisions for a while.
Silence and calming music will help you heal.

Spiritual

Ask God/your Higher Power to allow you to feel his love & support.
Know that time always heals.

Social

Your family cares about you and wants your well-being.
Calm conversations with other family members will help you.
Your friends want to help; let them know ways in which they can-
Suggest making a meal, walking the dog, doing laundry- anything that seems to be a burden right now. This will help them.

If anyone causes you anxiety, remove yourself from them- some people are negative by nature and will be toxic for you & your recovery.

communication, Coping Skills, Counseling, Grief, Grief Support, Life Changes, Positivity, Self Care

27 October

Be Open to Outcome, Not Attached to It

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

Reflect for a Moment

Do you often find yourself wanting to be in control? Do you end up in a job or relationship for too long because you really want things to work out, even though it causes you unhappiness? Have you ever found yourself continually trying to make something work that just clearly isn’t working? If you answered yes or maybe to any of these questions, this article holds a critical lesson.

Be Open to Outcome, Not Attached to Outcome

This lesson is embedded in the practices of Buddhism. This tends to be a very difficult way of life for people of Western cultures. One of the biggest obstacles is our sense of security in believing things will work out the way we want them to. It seems as though this is a common illusion we often have. A Yiddish proverb tells us “We plan, god laughs.”

Being attached to outcome has many negative consequences as well. If you are attached to an outcome you won’t hear things that are inconsistent with the way you want things to be. In addition, you may end up with unnecessary unhappiness trying to make something work that no matter what you do just isn’t going to work.

Begin paying attention in your own life to whether you are being attached or open to outcome. Furthermore, observe yourself with open-minded curiosity. It is always good to hope for the best. However, it is never wise to expect the best. Remember: be open to outcome, not attached to outcome.

anxiety, control, Counseling, depression, emotionally flexible, happiness, let go, letting go, life experiences, mindfulness, open to outcome, simplicity, stress

26 July

How To Help Someone Struggling With Thoughts of Suicide

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

Ways to help when a loved one loses a pet and resources

According to the CDC, more than 38,000 Americans commit suicide each year. While we often think of suicide in relation to teens or the younger population, middle-aged males make up the majority of suicides in the U.S.

Suicide can be the result of any number of issues that someone is facing. However, an estimated 90% of people who committed suicide were suffering from substance abuse issues or a mental illness such as depression, bipolar disorder or PTSD. Suicide can be the tragic answer that some turn to when they feel they have no other options.

Warning Signs

Suicide can be difficult to prevent. However, if you are aware of the warning signs you may be able to help a person who is struggling. Some warning signs of suicide are:

Talking about wanting to die
Talking about feeling trapped or being a burden to others
Increased alcohol or drug use
Isolating from family and friends
Depression
Loss of interest or withdrawing from activities

Keep in mind this is not a complete list of the warning signs of suicide. Therefore, if you suspect that someone you care about may be contemplating suicide, read on to find out what you can do to help them.

What to do if you suspect someone may be suicidal

Be open to talking with them and listening to what they have to say.
Try not to discredit their feelings or minimize their problems. Focus on validating them for how they feel.
Let someone else know.
If the person doesn’t seem to be in immediate danger: encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional or doctor.
If the person seems to be in immediate danger: stay with them and contact a suicide prevention resource or accompany them to the emergency room or to mental health services.

Furthermore, if you or someone you know think they may be suffering from a mental illness, it is key to begin treatment as soon as possible. As a result, this can help to prevent the symptoms from worsening and lessen the likelihood of them resorting to suicide.

Resources For Suicide

Some additional resources that may be helpful for someone who is thinking about suicide or someone looking to help are:

Those who are suicidal often times will not reach out for help. Sometimes the simplest things like letting someone know that you are there for them can give them the hope they need to open up to someone and potentially save their life.

counseling in Eau Claire, counseling in Hudson, counseling in Lakeville, counseling in Maple Grove, depression, how to help someone struggling with suicidal thoughts, Lakeville therapy, maple grove therapy, suicide, suicide help, warning signs for suicide

18 July

Teens and Self Harm

Posted by Collaborative Counseling

Being A Teen Today

Teenage years are a very volatile and unpredictable time in a person’s life. They are too old to be considered children but still too young and immature to be considered adults. Frankly many parents are not fundamentally aware of the inherent distinction between the two stages, nor do they realise that the progression from child to adulthood is gradual. At this stage of life their hormones begin to go haywire as they prepare to cruise into adulthood. Often things such as peer pressure, bullying, disagreements, abuse and just plain ignorance can derail this delicate progression for teens.

At this stage of life teens require lots of understanding and patience. Teen counseling is very important to ensure that the chosen path into adulthood is navigated effectively. So many things can derail their progress that it’s a constant battle to make sure your words don’t fall on deaf ears. When teens find themselves in untenable situations sometimes they resort to self harm.

What Does Self Harm Look Like?

Self harm may include taking legal and illegal drugs, cutting themselves or engaging in high risk activities. Self harm can be a coping mechanism for dealing with pain, disappointment, neglect or abuse. When a teen is self harming it is very seldom that they will share this information with parents or guardians. This is when you know the situation has become indefensible and has pushed that teen to this extreme. Teens usually cut themselves in places that will not be easily visible like the arm and upper thighs that can be covered by long sleeves and pants.

How To Help Your Teen

It is paramount these at-risk teens get counseling before their actions lead to a more serious situation like them seriously or permanently hurting themselves or others. Listening is the most important step when counseling teens. Most often teens will continue to self harm when they feel that parents are judgemental and hypocritical towards them or lay blame squarely on their shoulders for any and all situations.

Reassuring your teen that help is available and things can improve is important. Some teens engaging in self harm feel a sense of hopelessness about things getting better and you want to reassure them that things can get better. Teens need to know someone is listening and that they have an outlet to air their frustrations and disappointment. They also need to know that there is always a different side, a better side to every situation.

To learn more about our services for teens visit: https://www.collaborativemn.com/counseling-services/teen-counseling

communication, Coping Skills, dbt, depression, Drug Use, Emotional Regulation, High-Risk Behavior, How to help your teen, Self-Harm, Teen Depression, Teen Stress, teen struggles